Well-Being during Covid-19 - Healthy Selfishness
Monday, 4 May 2020
I was asked to write this piece about well-being before all our lives changed by the emergence of Covid-19. At the end of 2019, I suspect, participating in a dry January and/or making New Year resolutions about getting fit in 2020 was the closest many of us came to thinking about our own well-being.
I planned to write about the art of practising healthy selfishness as a way of maintaining well-being during the chaos, confusion and pressure of our working lives. Originally conceived as a management tool[1] healthy selfishness is the concept of paying attention to one’s own well-being and needs in order to remain an effective leader. Is it still relevant? Probably more than ever!
Now we are all locked down, social distancing and/or self-isolating chaos, confusion and pressures are combined with fear and apprehension. Working from home means that relentless commuting has been replaced with intrusive Microsoft Team, Zoom or Skype meetings (necessity having overcome my inbuilt inertia/scepticism in this regard). Interminable emails and demanding mobile phone calls are competing with the need to home school, be creative and, as someone said to me the other day “have something to show” from this enforced seclusion. As a result, anxiety levels are through the roof; worries about family, friends and finances are foremost in our minds (the latter more especially if we are not working or are furloughed) rather than our own well-being.
While, as a management tool, healthy selfishness focused on remaining fit in mind and body to lead others there are many situations, such as now, when focusing on your own needs is crucial. This allows you to be good to others because you’ve been good to yourself first. While it’s not possible, and nor would I want, to be prescriptive about what you should do to be good to yourself (you know what helps you thrive) the principles of healthy selfishness: being clear about working hours, knowing your limits, ensuring you’ve effective support, paying attention to your feelings, not being afraid to offend if necessary, talking openly/honestly to confidantes, developing thinking spaces; are transferable to maintaining your well-being more generally.
You can give yourself permission to look after yourself. You do not have unlimited energy; you must make time to eat, drink and rest. Saying ‘no’ occasionally isn’t selfishness but a recognition that you deserve some downtime as much as anyone else. And let go of the guilt it makes you feel. Don’t accept guilt trips from others, put your foot down when you need to. Making time in your day to engage in an activity that you know recharges your batteries is no more selfish than refuelling your car before heading off on a long trip. Treating it like an appointment that you can’t miss by putting it in your diary means it’s non-negotiable. Don’t assume anyone knows what you’re thinking or feeling or that they know what you need or want. The key to healthy selfishness is identifying when it’s appropriate to put yourself right at the top of your list, and for others to do the same. You have to tell people what you need or want and let them know how they can help you achieve that.
There’s a stigma associated with selfishness which implies you don’t care about anyone else. Not (always) true: when the oxygen masks drop during a flight, you are instructed to put yours on first before you attempt to help anyone else. There’s a very good reason for that: similarly, by practising healthy selfishness and protecting your own well-being you can do more for others.
Claire McLaughlan - A former intensive care sister and non-practising barrister Claire is an independent consultant to the NHS and private health sectors. Most of Claire’s work is concerned with the performance management of individual doctors and nurses and medical and nursing teams; she provides advice, support and action planning and also undertakes investigations, reviews and inquiries
[1] Living Leadership: A practical guide for ordinary heroes. G Binney, G Wilke, C Williams 3rd Edition
